Sleeping in my head

In high school, my friends were a big thing to me. I had my close knit friends I met in my honors classes, then there were my friends from choir who were like family to me. They were very different groups, but I loved them all. Going into college, I started losing touch with a lot of them. It’s normal. After about two years, I really started losing most of them. I made new friends through the music community I somehow found myself a part of. I became friends with talented people like AJ Rafael, Cathy Nguyen, and Andrew Garcia. The fellow musicians and supporters became friends to me. They eventually became my other family. However, as often happens, I started losing touch with these people. Nowadays, I only have a handful of friends I still consider myself close to. I could complain and say they’re all too cool for me now. There are things that brought me here, and it’s a long story. But when it comes down to it, I only really need a few. People haven’t made the effort to stay in touch with me, but I’m no different. It may seem a bit sad, but it honestly doesn’t bother me all that much. I can count the people I consider close friends on my fingers, and that’s okay.

My semester is almost over. I only need less than 30 hours left for my internship and I will have completed my requirements for my Bachelor’s degree. I am so terrified. Yesterday, my cousins and I were talking about our futures. Two of us will be graduating from college this spring. I’m graduating in May and he’s graduating in June. Sometimes I feel inferior because I’m finally graduating after five years at university, and he’s graduating after three years. He’s two years younger than I am and we’ll both be graduating with our Bachelor’s. However, we have one thing in common: we have no idea where to go from here. Sure, I have an ultimate goal of starting an organization at some point in my life to help people (target population still unknown). He just wants a stable future. He’s a business major and he was going to do accounting, but he doesn’t like it at all. Both of us are struggling with the idea that we’ll just be lost after we graduate. Neither of us have an immediate plan. I want to be able to start helping my parents out with money, but I honestly don’t know yet what I can do. My degree isn’t a specialty in anything, so my education has been very broad and vague. One of our cousins was really coming down hard on us, asking us questions about what we want to do. I know she wants to know that we’re headed somewhere because she cares, but it felt like an interrogation session. Now I just feel more stressed than I ever did before. Ahhhh….one step at a time, one day at a time.

I’m over waiting around. You can’t seem to make up your mind. But where there’s more indifference than yearning, it’s pretty much a sign to let things go. It was nice while it lasted. Thanks for making me remember that feeling of being happy spending time with someone, but it’s time to move on.